I continue to go there with anxiousness and feelings and all my weaknesses. It’s starting to becoming troubling in my mind, my focus is his touch. I can feel it down my skin even when he’s not here. It’s frightening, my heart is starting to talk. I can’t, I won’t, I need to let go. I’ve been here before and my heart was shattered for almost a decade. I can’t put myself through that again. I refuse to be there. He is wonderful in his movements, in his kiss. It is a place I never want to leave but I can’t stay. I will tell him tomorrow that I can’t come back. He’s strong in his mind, with his hands and it’ll be okay for him. He won’t stir or make a fuss. He knows, he just knows how I feel. It’s pointless in every sense of what’s rational. Hotel Ella, the last unfaithful visit.